Recently I’ve found myself in situations that I’ve sat there and thought I do not remember anyone saying anything about this during pregnancy. I remember being told I’d probably never sleep again, my eye bags will have eye bags and that being a parent is the most rewarding job in the world.
Whilst all of those things are true there’s so many things that you think won’t happen but they will.
You’re told that you’ll lose friends but you always think no not my friends, we’re so close and I know no matter what they’ll be there. The brutal reality is that you will lose friends sometimes for reasons you wont understand but other times they haven’t got children and having a child is your problem and not theirs. Do you know what you really learn about those people? They’re not your real friends because friends don’t give up on each other.
Your relationship will take a hit, you’ll find yourselves moaning and griping at each other, over the smallest thing. You’re both sleep deprived. I find myself getting mad at Adam over things that pre child would have never even bothered me and vice versa. I find myself getting really irritated when he tells me he’s had no time to himself all day. EVEN THOUGH HE’S MANAGED A WEE IN PEACE AT WORK, probably even managed a hot drink in one sitting and had a conversation with a human that is capable of a coherent reply. Things we used to be able to do we can no longer do either through not being able to afford it or just being so tired we don’t have the energy we argue about other people’s opinions of each other. At times its cause a lot of strain on our relationship so much that I think we’ve both questioned our relationship. It’s also bought us a lot closer and made me realise how much life would suck if he wasn’t my parenting sidekick.
I don’t remember even being warned what a toddler would be like without sleep. Hell hath no fury like a tired toddler. If you don’t spend a lot of time with children pre parent there’s normally the idea of a tired toddler just being someone who snuggles and wants to be close to someone. Get those thoughts out of your head a tired toddler is like being in a room with the dark lord himself. The likelihood is both of you will end up crying at some point. They’re relentless.
You’re told about post natal depression but you’re not informed on the darker side of post natal depression the parts of if you even question if you love your child. No one tells you how to deal with that. No one even tells you you’re going to deal with that. It’s so scary because it’s a real fear that’s so hard to shift.
The days are long but the years are short is so real and true for so many of us. In amongst all the shit people do not tell you, all the heart ache, the fears of not being good enough. Being a parent is the most rewarding thing I have ever done. For the friends who have left, the arguments had, the feral toddlers and the memories of some really dark times it all means nothing when you see the tiny human that you grow look at you like you’re the best thing since sliced bread.
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