To Adam

Dear Baby Daddy 
When I found out I was pregnant you weren’t the first to know in fact you were probably the 5th person I told. (Due to the fact I was at my friend’s off my face on vodka and we for some reason thought we’d put myself out of my misery and find out if I was late due to spawn or stress)  It was the latter, I didn’t tell you until the next day because I needed to tell you face to face and well you lived on Portland. 

I’ll always remember sitting on your bedroom floor with tears streaming down my face and trying to find the words to tell you. We’d only been together 4 months, we didn’t know each other.. not really anyway. You just sat with me and held me telling me that you wanted to keep it. 

Fast forward to the 30th of July the day our screaming bundle of goop arrived into the world, I saw the fear on your face when she didn’t cry for 20 minutes, I saw the love in your eyes when you cut the cord, when you finally got to hold her and how protective you were when they were looking her over. 

We both know the first few months weren’t easy, we lived with my parents meaning we felt we were constantly living on egg shells, I was battling PND but you were there for everything. I watched you grow in that time  from a boy to a man. You changed, I remember waking up one night when you were doing the night feed, you were just sat there staring at her like you didn’t care you had to be up at 6 for work, you couldn’t take your eyes off her. 

I know we’ve had teething problems lately, literally and figuritevly (seriously questioning that spelling) but I just need you to know that you are the best daddy a girl could ask for, our little girl adores you, when you’re out of the house she gets upset when she says dada and I have to tell her you’re at work. One day she’ll understand you work as hard as you do for us. She’s your tiny best friend and I get a little scared of the pranks you might play on me when she grows up. That girl is your sidekick. 
Happy Father’s Day. 
I love you. 

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