I know it sounds weird having a blog title about a hill in the new forest.. Just bare with me here..
Last Friday I went out without Adam,Harper or the fluffs, now probably doesn’t sound like much of an achievement but to me this is a very rare occasion, mainly due to my social anxiety as well as hating when I leave Harper but Adam was home so I went out with Harper’s Godfather & my best friend Mr Cheesman. I got to be an adult and for a couple of hours leave all the stresses of home at home.. We decided we were going to go to Deadman hill, We’re lovers of heavy metal so listened to a lot of Alestorm and Leo Moracchioli if anyone who follows me on Instagram saw my video of me dancing to a song called Mexico that was basically the whole journey.
Deadman Hill is a very special place for a few reasons. It’s the place I spent many pre-baby summers, It’s the place my friends and I went when we needed to let off steam, it was a place I went too to deal with a broken heart, I’ve laughed, cried, screamed, been totally awestruck at the views and last but not least.. It’s the place that I realised Adam was more than Ok and that’d I wanted to peruse a relationship with him. We made our relationship ‘official’ the day after I took him there for the first time.. alright that’s enough soppyness.
So we pulled up, got out the car to enjoy the views better also to go and find a grave of a fucking hamster that died a year previously that Cheesman’s girlfriend buried out in the forest.. Could we find it?! OF COURSE WE FUCKING COULDN’T. Mainly because he couldn’t remember where the thing was buried.. (If you’re reading this Kim I loved Mr Chubbs honest just not when he was living in my bathroom)
We decided to go back to the car and have a good old catch up, I rarely see Ben (that’s his real name) by myself so it was nice to be able to talk about everything that had been going on in both our lives. We discussed the good old famous who does more the working dad or the stay at home mum, Which led to a very interesting debate after my rant that went something like this.. Now if you read my hangover hell post I’m also a tit when I am sober… “I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW MEN CAN COMPLAIN ABOUT LEAVING THE HOUSE HAVING CONVERSATIONS AND NOT TELLING SOMEONE FOR THE 15TH THOUSAND TIME IN THE LAST HOUR TO STOP ATTACKING THE FUCKING DVD’S AND BITING MY KNEES OR TO PLEASE JUST EAT THEIR DINNER BECAUSE THEY NEED IT MORE THAN THE FUCKING DOG. NO STOP TRYING TO PUT YOUR HAND DOWN THE TOILET. THEN HAVING YOUR TINY PERSON LOOK AT YOU LIKE YOU’VE JUST QUOTED SOMETHING IN PISSING KLINGON ” I’m one of those people who has a filter but it has a late reaction always fun! His reply which is why he is the more sensible one and actually keeps me level headed most of the time.. “You think you’ve done the most because you’re alert 24/7, you’re spending someone who cant hold a conversation, who likes to make a mess for fun, BUT he is also travelling to work having his ear chewed by whoever is in that day having to make sure everything is tip top so he doesn’t lose his job and has to work with a bunch of bellends for customers” Check mate.
Part of Friday made me crave to be the person I was pre-baby the one who could go out at 11pm at the drop of the hat and go to the forest to watch the stars but that feeling was quickly squashed by one thing, well I say one thing there was between six and eight horses that broke into canter in front of us with a foal now imagine that and one of the most beautiful sunsets you’ve ever seen in your life. Perfection. It also gave me the kick up my butt to get me out of my tiny funk. I think we can learn a lot about family through animals.. anyway again I am digressing. Becoming a parent doesn’t happen over night you have time to prepare for a tiny bundle but you don’t have time to prepare for the person they are going to grow into because you just don’t bloody know who that person is going to be. There’s days when they will be so naughty that you’re like “well Satan’s made his appearance today hasn’t he?” then there’s other days when all you will do is laugh, to the point your sides hurt. Parenting is about give and take but it’s also about you, remembering you are a person and not a machine and there will be times that you need to just call a friend and be like “GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS HOUSE” but remembering that it’s ok to do that, its ok to let your hair down and just be you.
I think a lot of us need to remember that.
On the way home we sang along to lady gaga and the killers before a McDonalds stop because no trip to Deadman hill is complete without a cheeseburger.
It’s strange how a piece of land can give you so much perspective on your own life.