Oh i’d never do that.

Oh i’d never do that.

Lately I’ve been thinking of all the things pre -baby me said and how pre-baby me was in fact a massive twat.

I always imagined being one of those mums who had their shit together, next day clothes picked out , breakfast prepared the evening before, Lunches made, a nice clean tidy house all the time & never relying on the TV to be a baby sitter just to name a few.

In the 8 months I’ve been a mum I’ve realised that I’m the mum I kind of never wanted to be.. I NEVER set clothes out for the next day, make lunches and breakfast for the next day because that shit is tedious and I’m not going to pick out a lovely summery dress for it to absolutely piss it down the next day, I live in England after all we love rain in the middle of a lovely week… I’m not going to lay out breakfast or lunches because we wing it.. Harper’s learning new flavours every day so I’ll experiment. Today was meant to be porridge but we decided bacon was the way forward this morning (I mean bacon is the sex of food don’t know why but it is).

The thought of having a tidy house is just laughable, I mean yes the floors are hoovered and we pop the duster round but the ideas of houses so clean you can see your reflection in stuff literally bores me to tears. I have an 8 month old, a cat, a dog and a man who believes socks and boxers live on top of the laundry basket not in them  & on the living room floor which is just darling. I mean of course he helps out. He is my personal dish washer upper (I have psoriasis’s and basically everything that has chemicals in likes to burn my skin)

Using the Tv as a baby sitter. I remember talking to my friend about this pre baby and being like “ergh i’d rather interact with my child then have it spend its time watching the box” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The Tv is sometimes the greatest gift. Going to the loo alone just does not happen in my home.. If its not the baby then its one of the animals its a full on family affair. Currently Harper loves watching the fresh prince of Bel air she hates sitting through in the night garden and all that for some reason and thankfully its on at least once a day. So this is my window of opportunity to run around like a blue arsed fly and even sneak in a cheeky cuppa.. However dog tries to steal my cuppa so it never really goes cold.. Before anyone reading this and goes HOW DARE SHE TAKE 30 MINUTES EVERYDAY TO DO SHIT. pipe down, these are the ONLY moments I get keep the house looking like there’s not been a bull inside it. When she naps I just have to sneeze and she’ll wake up  but seems to be an epic napper when her dad is home..  She’s also in that lush stage of she wants to be glued to me and I cant leave a room without a shit storm of a tantrum.Yesterdays crime was I went into the kitchen to make her a bottle and BAM. It was wonderful..However we don’t let her in the kitchen anymore since she tried to steal the dogs food. So if I have a small window of opportunity to go for a wee alone. Trust me I’ll take it.

I also used to say I don’t want people baby sitting her until she is at least a year old because I want to be there for her for every moment and I don’t want to miss anything.. This is still true but to a degree if she walked and I missed it I’d be devastated so I’ve put a rule in place if she does something that I’ve not previously told you she’s done keep it to yourself and at least pretend to be happy when I tell you she’s done it ‘For the first time’ However the reason she isn’t home with me all day every day is also due to my anxiety, I want to make sure she’s still getting experiences I’m not always brave or strong enough to do with her.. But I don’t think this makes me a twat mum more of I want my child to have a basic understanding of human interaction and maybe a cheeky middle of the day nap for myself.. – Ok that bit makes me sound twat mum but who doesn’t love a cheeky afternoon nap?!

The major thing I’ve learnt since becoming a mum is we all have preconceptions of parenting, The I’m going to do this and that sometimes it happens but i’m guessing the majority of the time it doesn’t. Maybe its due to younger siblings, family members or children of friends but we can never truly know what we’re going to be like until we have children of our own.. For all the ‘Sallys’ out there who because they spend a bit of time with children feel the need to pull others up on their parenting. Stop it, Fucking stop. Everyone is trying their best. I’ll admit pre-baby me was guilty of it but now i realise we’re all just winging it because lets be honest none of us really know what we’re doing first time round..


Maybe one day I will be one of those parents who has their shit together but for now as long as Harper is happy and healthy I don’t care. We’ll continue to wing it till we’ve got it.


Leave a Reply