I know you’re only a baby and don’t even understand what a blog is let alone a blog dedicated mainly to you.
I’m sorry for the last week or so you’ve spent more time with your grandparents than with me and daddy. Its not because we don’t want you around, its to make sure you’re getting the attention mummy is currently struggling to give you.
Mummy is on new tablets and they’ve turned me into a walking zombie, but i’m only on these tablets to get better, I know you’ve sat on the floor and watched me ball my eyes out and i know you cant even comprehend why. The thing is mummy has Post natal depression and its currently consuming me. Its not your fault and will never be your fault. You’re perfect you’re innocent and you’re the kindest soul.
I know there’s times where i’ll put you down for a nap before you probably think you’re ready and sometimes its for selfish reasons like i need to cry, i need to cry so hard because i feel like I’m failing you. You probably don’t think that because as long as you have a fresh nappy, toys, food, milk and cuddles you’re content.
I just want to say I’m sorry that we don’t go outside often like normal families do. but the problem with outside for mummy at the moment is its so scary. I know we spend the majority time in our living room playing with the puppy and watching copious amounts of spongebob, but i promise you one day we’ll be like a normal family. We will be able to go to the park without me spending an hour pumping myself up to get you into the pushchair and me not change my mind last second.
Half of me is so glad this is all happening during a time where you wont remember it, I’ll forever remember it and i’ll forever make it up to you.
Post natal depression is just a bump in the road for mummy right now. but once I’m finally on the right tablets to help me. We can continue to live passionately and do all the things daddy & I have planned. I have so much planned for us kid and i cant wait to be better to do them all with you.
I Love you Harper.